VOD / INFO Raffle for a Buzz Vivid stick ST 4000 01/18/2021 - bigstar

For all the VOD, beginners info, novice stuff.
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#121
A man entered the bus....


A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked.

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
 
#122
A Greek and Italian.....
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire".

...and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly,

"That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
 
#123
04-06-2020, 09:40 AM #1


Oh My......

The Preacher explains that he must move on to a large congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims:"If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says: "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!"

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the preacher stays, I will give him sex," There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies:

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said...... "Screw the Preacher."
 
#124
A driver tucked a note.....

A driver tucked a note under the windshield wiper of his automobile saying,

"I've circled this block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park in this no-parking zone I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he came back, he found a parking ticket and this note:

"I've circled this block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."


Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!! :cool:
 
#125
You are driving in a car...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a galloping zebra.

Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you.


What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.
 
#126
"Honk" Bumper Sticker...!
Saw This and Just Knew to Share :

OH MY I can see this happening, to funny!!!!
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'
'Go! Go! Go! GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
Grandma...
 
#127
The race....

Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to their truck.

As they approached the truck, they realized that the woman from the last house they checked was huffing and puffing right behind them.

They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run, too!"
 
#128
[h=2]A Bunny Story[/h]
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road.

Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop.

He hit the bunny head on.

The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene.

There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"

The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching.

It was a woman in a red convertible.

The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.

The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."

The woman ran back to her car.

A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it.

The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman.

Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again.

It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"

The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."​
 
#129
I cant believe no one has got this one yet

Hints

1 It is one of bwcbob's joke
2 It is in the date range 12/06/2019 - 11/5/2020
3 There is more then 1 person involved in this joke and not husband and wife
4 There is a vehicle involved
5 Picked at random
6 Narrow the date down some between 3/5/2020 to 8/3/2020
 
#130
Amish carriage....

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.

The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor because attached to the back of the carriage
was a hand-painted sign that read, "Energy efficient vehicle.

Runs on oats and grass. CAUTION: Do not step on exhaust."
 
#131
The traveling salesman...
The traveling salesman's car broke down in the country and he knocked on the farmhouse door.
When the farmer opened the door, the salesman said, "Sir, my car has broken down, and I was wondering if you might be able to put me up for the night?"
The farmer said, "Why, sure, but you will have to sleep with my son."
The salesman hesitated then said, "Excuse me, sir, but I think I'm in the wrong joke."
 
#132
Oh My....
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice.

"The next time you're down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife don't wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you're doing and go to the house," said the doctor.

"I tried that," said the farmer, "But by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it's no use."

The doctor thought for a minute, "Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are."

A few weeks later the two men met on the street.

"How did it work out?" asked the doctor.

"Fine, the first three days," said the farmer,
"But then hunting season opened and I haven't seen her since."
 
#133
Was it a ghost?

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"

The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"

The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.

"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!

"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"

He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.

The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
 
#134
[h=2]Little Jimmy...[/h]
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Little Jimmy sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and go into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace."

Little Jimmy finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother.

Mommy "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her skirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Jimmy, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.

I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Jimmy to tell his story.

Jimmy starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and Jimmy said, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane... started doing that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."​
 
#135
Female hormone...

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and

observed that 100% of them gained weight,

talked excessively without making sense,

became emotional, and couldn't drive.


Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!! :cool:
 
#136
John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded,rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them.

Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.

Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ... "COLD WATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"
 
#137
[h=2]A Bunny Story[/h][FONT=&quot]Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He hit the bunny head on.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It was a woman in a red convertible. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The woman ran back to her car. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."[/FONT]
 
#138
A blonde was driving home....

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.

Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"
 
#139
You Might Be A Redneck If.....
You just bought your family their 1st Atari game system.

You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria.

You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have successful repair projects to prove it.

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

You name your car the General Lee.

You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.

Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".


thank you Farmer1, bwcbob, iptvtalk staff and members for donation, contest and fun. :)
 
#140
Getting a little extra....
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car.

They said "Heavens no, we bought it."

He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".

Each of the women said "We can't drive".

The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"

They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.
 
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