[FONT="]$5.37![/FONT]
[FONT="]That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that [/FONT]
[FONT="]used to be a Jolly Rancher.[/FONT] [FONT="]Having already handed the[/FONT]
[FONT="]kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change[/FONT]
[FONT="]when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, [/FONT][FONT="]"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the [/FONT]
[FONT="]counter in front of me.[/FONT] [FONT="]"Only [/FONT][FONT="]$4.68[/FONT][FONT="]" [/FONT][FONT="]he said cheerfully.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?[/FONT] [FONT="]A mere child![/FONT] [FONT="]Senior citizen?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Was he blind?[/FONT] [FONT="]As I sat in the truck, my blood began to [/FONT][FONT="]boil[/FONT][FONT="].[/FONT] [FONT="]Old? Me?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I'll show him, I thought.[/FONT] [FONT="]I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and there he was waiting with a smile.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Before I could say a word, he held up something[/FONT]
[FONT="]and jingled it in front of me,[/FONT] [FONT="]like I could be that easily distracted![/FONT] [FONT="]What am I now?[/FONT]
[FONT="]A toddler?[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I stared with utter disdain at the keys.[/FONT] [FONT="]I began to rationalize in my mind![/FONT]
[FONT="]"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly![/FONT]
[FONT="]It could happen to anyone!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I turned and headed back to the truck.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.[/FONT]
[FONT="]What now?[/FONT] [FONT="]I checked my keys and tried another.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still nothing.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That's when I noticed the [/FONT][FONT="]purple beads [/FONT][FONT="]hanging from my rear view mirror.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I had no [/FONT][FONT="]purple beads [/FONT][FONT="]hanging from my rear view mirror.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Then, a few other objects came into focus:[/FONT] [FONT="]The car seat in the back seat.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.[/FONT]
[FONT="]A partially eaten dough nut on the dashboard.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Faster than you can say [/FONT][FONT="]ginkgo biloba[/FONT][FONT="], I flew out of the [/FONT][FONT="]alien [/FONT][FONT="]vehicle.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,[/FONT]
[FONT="]relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger![/FONT]
[FONT="]My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,[/FONT]
[FONT="]only it was nowhere to be found.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and strode back into the restaurant one final time.[/FONT]
[FONT="]There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.[/FONT]
[FONT="]All I could think was, [/FONT][FONT="]"What is the world coming to?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]All I could say was, [/FONT][FONT="]"Did I leave my food and drink in here"?[/FONT]
[FONT="]At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Elmo had no clue.[/FONT] [FONT="]I walked back out to the truck,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He was holding up a drink and a bag.[/FONT]
[FONT="]His mother explained,[/FONT] [FONT="]"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She offered these kind words:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."[/FONT]
[FONT="]All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Yessss[/FONT][FONT="], I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.[/FONT]
[FONT="]And no, I told the officer, I'm not [/FONT][FONT="]too old [/FONT][FONT="]to be driving this fast.[/FONT]
[FONT="]As I walked in the front door, Myrna met me halfway down the hall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I handed her a bag of cold food and a [/FONT][FONT="]$300 [/FONT][FONT="]speeding ticket.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a [/FONT][FONT="]blankey[/FONT][FONT="].[/FONT]
[FONT="]The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that [/FONT]
[FONT="]used to be a Jolly Rancher.[/FONT] [FONT="]Having already handed the[/FONT]
[FONT="]kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change[/FONT]
[FONT="]when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, [/FONT][FONT="]"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the [/FONT]
[FONT="]counter in front of me.[/FONT] [FONT="]"Only [/FONT][FONT="]$4.68[/FONT][FONT="]" [/FONT][FONT="]he said cheerfully.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?[/FONT] [FONT="]A mere child![/FONT] [FONT="]Senior citizen?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Was he blind?[/FONT] [FONT="]As I sat in the truck, my blood began to [/FONT][FONT="]boil[/FONT][FONT="].[/FONT] [FONT="]Old? Me?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I'll show him, I thought.[/FONT] [FONT="]I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and there he was waiting with a smile.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Before I could say a word, he held up something[/FONT]
[FONT="]and jingled it in front of me,[/FONT] [FONT="]like I could be that easily distracted![/FONT] [FONT="]What am I now?[/FONT]
[FONT="]A toddler?[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I stared with utter disdain at the keys.[/FONT] [FONT="]I began to rationalize in my mind![/FONT]
[FONT="]"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly![/FONT]
[FONT="]It could happen to anyone!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]I turned and headed back to the truck.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn.[/FONT]
[FONT="]What now?[/FONT] [FONT="]I checked my keys and tried another.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still nothing.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That's when I noticed the [/FONT][FONT="]purple beads [/FONT][FONT="]hanging from my rear view mirror.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I had no [/FONT][FONT="]purple beads [/FONT][FONT="]hanging from my rear view mirror.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Then, a few other objects came into focus:[/FONT] [FONT="]The car seat in the back seat.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.[/FONT]
[FONT="]A partially eaten dough nut on the dashboard.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Faster than you can say [/FONT][FONT="]ginkgo biloba[/FONT][FONT="], I flew out of the [/FONT][FONT="]alien [/FONT][FONT="]vehicle.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,[/FONT]
[FONT="]relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger![/FONT]
[FONT="]My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,[/FONT]
[FONT="]only it was nowhere to be found.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and strode back into the restaurant one final time.[/FONT]
[FONT="]There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.[/FONT]
[FONT="]All I could think was, [/FONT][FONT="]"What is the world coming to?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]All I could say was, [/FONT][FONT="]"Did I leave my food and drink in here"?[/FONT]
[FONT="]At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Elmo had no clue.[/FONT] [FONT="]I walked back out to the truck,[/FONT]
[FONT="]and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He was holding up a drink and a bag.[/FONT]
[FONT="]His mother explained,[/FONT] [FONT="]"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."[/FONT]
[FONT="]I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She offered these kind words:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."[/FONT]
[FONT="]All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Yessss[/FONT][FONT="], I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.[/FONT]
[FONT="]And no, I told the officer, I'm not [/FONT][FONT="]too old [/FONT][FONT="]to be driving this fast.[/FONT]
[FONT="]As I walked in the front door, Myrna met me halfway down the hall.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I handed her a bag of cold food and a [/FONT][FONT="]$300 [/FONT][FONT="]speeding ticket.[/FONT]
[FONT="]I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a [/FONT][FONT="]blankey[/FONT][FONT="].[/FONT]
[FONT="]The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.[/FONT]
