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The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool...

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30. So she decided to be considerate and not rouse him this time. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the...

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold. A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had...

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the...

Pierced Nipple.... At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me. On a related note… I suck at darts.

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night. They got...

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?' The operator said, 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?' The grandmother, in her weak tremulous voice said, ''Norma...

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig. The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said...

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were...

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood,but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for...

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodka." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender...

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?" The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're...

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she...

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted. "Yes," she replied, "I think...

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger...

I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me.... "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" She replied.... "Your sense of humor, dear."

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional...

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!" The wife sighed and got him a beer. Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!" She looked cross, but fetched...

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at...

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles. Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these...